Words From The Soul

Eternally attracted to the broken. An internal need to fix in them, what I could never fix within myself.

Destined to see the best in people. An addict to potential, falling in love with who they could be, never with who they were.

I would love them as my imagined ‘best version’ of themselves. And...

Formed at a young age and intwined with my personality, I need to be adored.

For years I said yes to things my heart screamed no to. I worked too many jobs, filled my time with toxic friends, because I believed my yes would make me the ‘good guy’, fill me with their love, lift me in their esteem.

They spoke to me of soulmates, they told me one day you will find someone who makes you feel whole, who will love you on your darkest days and fill your life with light.

I told them, I’ve already four people who do that.

Nothing to lose and everything to gain, I ached for a way out of the confines of my life. Desperate to escape the binds of my religion, and the suffocating rules of my family.

I ached for him, not realising I only saw him as my doorway into the unknown, I did not even give it a month before I left ...

There are days when I want to crawl back inside of myself, days where I want to close my eyes, see less, be less awake.

Being in touch with my true calling, being in touch with the universe, can be exhausting.

I always thought ‘spiritual awakenings’ would be all light and love, that frequent media...

After 10 years I thought this day would get easier, and yet it never does.

The world rushes around me, but a part of me is screaming ‘Don’t you realise what we are missing, WHO we are missing?’.

The hardest part of grief if realising that life moves on for everyone else, you feel caught in waves o...

For as long as I have been aware of tattoos, I have craved their ink on my fingers.
Always something to fear they would tell me ‘You can’t be successful and have hand tattoos. You will never be able to work in a ‘real’ job. What will people think?’.
For years I believed them. Until suddenly it clicked...

I did not believe I could be a wife, until I recognised I had my mothers heart, and my fathers soul.

You see we were made to love deeply, we were created for great love. If you are to be loved by us, you are to be enveloped by us, until your smile becomes our smile, and our tears become your own.

Loving myself was easy.

Once I learnt that no one can make you feel anything, we are the master of our own emotions. And yet how easily we become their slaves.

As Julia Roberts once said ‘the bad stuff is easier to believe’, and I drowned myself in other’s jaded opinions of me.

I used to tie the ...

I know you are feeling run down and exhausted by the hustle. But I promise you, anyone who said working for your dream is easy, is a liar.

Even our passions can exhaust us, it’s ok to feel like sometimes you have lost your drive.

I think sometimes the universe makes us struggle to prove we really ...

We are the disposable generation, we grew up on disposable plates, with disposable cups, and disposable hearts. We were taught that everything, even love has an expiry date.

They tell you ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it’, but if it is broken throw it away.

How can relationships survive when there ...

Today the sea will reclaim the last earth form of its daughter. 

I could write pages and pages of my love for you, and yet I struggle to write one paragraph on the loss. Some things are too painful to speak about, some words are better left unspoken. 

The sky is grey today my love, and so is my he...

For years I searched for god.

Confined in the restrictions of my religion I yearned for him. Desperate to find this god of love I threw myself into my 'beliefs', believing if I did everything they told me to do that somehow he would come to me.

The god of love alluded me, he hid behind expectation...

Lately I’ve been feeling the call to change something.

In the past this feeling would make me run, without a second thought I would quit my relationship, my job, and sometimes even the state.

I called this intuition, that on some deep spiritual level I knew I had to get the hell out of there. That...

Tied up in the label of bipolar, consumed by the clouds of depression, I lost track of my path.

Each step taken in uncertainty and fear, wondering ‘is this the step that's going to push me over the edge?'.

It took losing my sister to make me realise, how much I had lost myself.

My heart has shatt...

It’s at times like these I wonder how much of life is chance, and how much is fate.

It’s been three years since I cut him from my life, and this time I was ruthless. Determined to never speak with or cross his path again, I purged from from my life and my memories. And for the first time in seven y...

On her bad days I would tell her ‘without you my world would be darkness’. Unknowing I was bestowing a prophecy, I was naïve to believe love was enough to keep a soul here that was destined to depart.

There could never have been enough time with her. Had life given me a thousand years, I would neve...

When you bruise her skin I will feel it.

As she smooths concealer over herself to hide your marks, my own will wash away. You cannot hide what you have done, for I carry the weight of every harsh word and firm grip under the first layer of my skin. It remains as an armour to protect myself and thos...

And just like that a light bulb went off in my head today.

The past year, hell for the past year and a half I have put everything possible ahead of my dream. Any excuse I could find not to write I have pulled from the depths of procrastination.

My depression has been consuming me, devouring my lov...

I miss him. That’s the truth of it.

I don’t miss the way he used to hold me, or the way his lips brushed mine. I miss the unending banter, the way he could always make me laugh at myself. I miss my best friend.

You have these people who were witnesses to your life, who saw you grow, saw you change...

I first met Death at six.

I was not uneasy as his tall figure walked through my grandparents’ house. Beaming up at him I caught his eye, he sat on the floor to play with me and I thought he was kind.

I have always been blessed with the ability of winning people over. I believe it’s because I choos...

Finding myself restless I begin to examine details, question everything and find flaws.

I am a chaser of honeymoon periods. Always looking for the greener grass, my attention span is fleeting, I find lengthy commitments suffocating.

I don’t know what it is about the big 1 year that terrifies me so...

We grew up on plastic plates.

Drinking out of our plastic cups, we played with our plastic toys. We were not familiar with the concept of broken.

As we grew they began to trust us with breakables.

It started with a plate, we were told to be careful, to always watch what we were doing. The worst m...

Unlike the night of my 23rd birthday I'm keeping my word.

24 years old and I find myself in bed with another Ben. The least complicated of them all, no ex-wife, no kids, no current wife; he does not share his bed with any woman other than myself.

I wonder if this is what it means to be grown up. T...