Just tell them you’re not interested

Feb 19, 2014

Why is it that as young women we feel it’s almost within our right to just disappear from men’s lives without any explanation?

Trying to decide how to message ‘The Boxer’ and tell him I’m not interested, I ask my 19-year-old friend what she does in these situations.  “I just stop responding to their calls and messages, until they get the idea I’m not interested. I know I shouldn’t, that it’s probably not the best way to handle it. But I’m only 19 and I can still get away with it for a while.”

It’s like hearing myself talk. Guilty of thinking the exact same way; that you don’t owe these men an explanation as to why you decided you want to stop talking to them.

Suddenly it just seems cruel; I should at least give them the closure of a message ending whatever it was.

I’m petrified of what will his reaction be. Will he be mad? Will he push for more details as to why I’m not interested? Unable to stop thinking how much easier it is to not respond I delay replying for a week.

“Just tell him he’s a nice guy but you just want to be friends; he deserves some sort of closure.” It takes me asking a males opinion to finally agree to send a message.

Stomach in knots, I delicately place together each word dreading any misinterpretation. The last thing I want to do is give false hope.

Responding within the hour his reply is nothing like the cruel cold response I expected. His words are friendly as he assures me that it’s fine, he’s happy to be my friend and would like to do coffee sometime.

Was it really so hard? I cannot help but laugh. I spent a week agonizing over the perfect words or even if I should send a message at all. When I should have just sent a simple message straight away and moved on with the friendship.

Are we missing out on the opportunity of fantastic friendships with men we are not interested in, simply because we are afraid of what their reaction will be if we tell them so?

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