I feel like I’m drying out

I said as I plunged myself into the cold water, aching for reprieve.

Though the water could not grant me nourishment, it could not soothe the aching of my bones.

For my dehydration was not from the lack of days spent in the sea.

The drying out began when I stripped myself out of my soulskin, when I allowed the ‘shoulds and have-to’s and musts’ to take precedence over my souls call.

The drying out began when I looked to another’s truth for gospel, when I sacrificed my hearts murmurs for words on a page sprouted from the mouths of men.

The drying out happened slowly, and all at once.

I did not realise at the time that the moment I allowed my ego to capture my soulskin, to fragment me from my divinity, to parch my intuitive flow, I was dying.

The moment I allowed my soulskin to be stored away from my reach, my mind began to shatter, I could never quite feel whole.

The reclamation of my soulskin happened slowly, and all at once.

I began to feel to my surface cracking, as I screamed I feel like I’m drying out.

At first I searched for balms and remedies certain my salvation would be found in the wisdom of another.

It was only when I empowered myself to reconnect with my wisdom within that I reclaimed my soulskin, that I shattered the illusions of the ‘shoulds and have-to’s and musts’, that I once more was able to cloak myself in the strength of my intuition.

For I am made of salt air, and salt water
and you would corrode, before you ever tamed my swell.

🌊

Inspired by Clarissa Pinkola Estés - Women who run with wolves