A run in with an ex

Nov 06, 2013

A run in with the ex is never ideal, a run in with the ex of the man you’re sleeping with is pretty much as far from ideal as you want to be.

I have had my fair share of bad breakups. The kind that makes you so made you lose a part of yourself, your common sense. Suddenly it seems like a great idea to leak intimate embarrassing details about your sex life to others, to throw a drink in their face, sleep with one of their friends, someone they hate or seek out the new person in their lives. It is my firm belief that these behaviours are not ok under any circumstance and should be avoided at all cost.

I was 16, still a child who had found herself fumbling though playing a grown up life. Living with a boy who used verbal and physical abuse to get what he wanted,  I thought because I had made the choice to leave my family and my religion for him I had to stay. I stayed too long, and when I finally built up the strength to leave the breakup was messy. We tried every avenue to hurt each in the most traumatic of ways. Some say he deserved it but I will never be proud of or excuse my actions, and though I may never be able to take them back, I made sure to use them as a learning curve on how to handle breakups better in the future.

I was 18 when he left his partner of 7 years ‘for me’. Twice my age he had been seeing me on the side for 6 months before I realised I was in too deep, I had fallen for the man I had just planned to seduce to prove a point.

I decided it was time to run.

I walked into the DJ booth to tell him I was done before my words could begin to form “We broke up, I left her” flooded from his lips. Two weeks later at work and I’m told with daggers to my stomach he is back with her. I find it difficult to comprehend he would miss out such an important piece of information when I had him in my bed earlier. With teasing and stoking to his ego he confirmed it as fact to my best friend. My friends begged me to throw a drink in his face. Fuming and hurt I thought it was a great idea.

Before I made it to the bar I stopped and I thought, when he looks back at this moment what will he remember? Will he think of me longingly as the girl he ruined things with or will he think of me as the bitch that threw the drink in his face? I never wanted to be the latter.

I only wanted to be something that was always desired, I succeeded. Five years later he still asks me to coffee, talks of all the things he does wrong and tells me he thinks of me often and wishes we could make it work.

She sought me out, amongst a sea of people she made her way into my circle ‘Mr Friends-with-benefits’ ex-wife, and she was beautiful.

She starts talking to a mutual friend as I grasp the hand of the ‘Domestic Goddess’ asking her not to leave my side as ‘The Ex-Wife’ approached. All smiles she asks for my best friend saying she just met her and she’s lovely but she lost her. I offer to take her to her thinking she has no idea who I am, surely no one would have mentioned her ex’s friends-with-benefits to her. We head upstairs my stomach jumps to my throat as I hear “Oh so you’re Courtney, the one that’s sleeping with my ex-husband Ben.” I can hardly speak and the words “I’m sorry” flow from my lips. I don’t know why I’m apologizing, I don’t know this girl. I have never met her in my life, we were never friends, I didn’t steal her man and yet I’m terrified. I have been blasted and threatened by too many ex’s before not to be wary. “No, it’s ok really. You see I don’t see him in that way, I only see his as a friend. Have done for a while now so it’s good that he is getting it from someone.” I am stunned, her words say she doesn’t care, but the way she continually brings up Ben and questions me about him says otherwise. I have in front of me a woman still clearly obsessed with her ex and she’s trying to make best friends. I find a way out fast, head straight to the arms of our mutual friend who tells me that she is a tongue in cheek kind of girl pretends it’s in passing but says things just meant to hurt you. I feel for Ben as she messages him to ‘wife me’ playing games with his mind all evening, divulging intimate details about her current lover stating she was never happy or free with him.

I’ve seen these games before, I played them at 16. They lead you nowhere other than being remembered as a bitter ex who has nothing better to do then destroy the happiness of someone they once loved. The majority of my ex’s still remain a part of my life, I honestly believe this is because I chose to, no matter how hurt I was to never aim to hurt someone with vicious actions after a break up again. I am often referred to as the ‘What if’ girl, the one girl they can’t help wonder what would happen if we had really tried to make it work.

I would pick what if over bitter any day.

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