There are days when I want to crawl back inside of myself, days where I want to close my eyes, see less, be less awake.
Being in touch with my true calling, being in touch with the universe, can be exhausting.
I always thought ‘spiritual awakenings’ would be all light and love, that frequent mediation practice would overflow calmness into all aspects of my life, that self-care habits would bring enlightenment.
I will be the first to put my hand up and tell you I was wrong, being ‘awake’ does not make life easier, some days it feels as though it makes life harder. And on days when I catch myself making choices from my shadow, ignoring my higher-self, I cringe. Being awake means 10 times the work, but it also means 10 times the reward.
No longer do I just roll through my life, taking each day as it comes, living without thinking, without processing, without growth.
But processing takes time, and it takes energy.
And today my energy is spent. With a virus in my body and exhaustion in my mind, all I can think of is all the things I ‘should’ be doing.
And then I catch my shadow, ‘shoulding’ myself will not raise my vibration. ‘Shoulding’ myself will simply keep me down in the dark.
I am being of nature, and all nature has its phases, even the moon isn’t full all the time.
So I will stop talking to myself of all the things I should be doing, and I will start listening to my body’s call for rest.