The light has gone out of my life

On her bad days I would tell her ‘without you my world would be darkness’. Unknowing I was bestowing a prophecy, I was naive to believe love was enough to keep a soul here that was destined to depart.

There could never have been enough time with her. Had life given me a thousand years, I would never tire of living within her love.

I have loved her before this lifetime, and I will love her in the next. Two souls so closely entwined as ours, I know we will dance together for the rest of eternity.

But for now, for this one lifetime I will ache for her. I will ache for her every day, with all that I am.

I will ache for her, because I know I will never be completely whole, she was as a part of me as my left arm. I will ache for her because I cannot look in the mirror without seeing her face, and because nothing could ever prepare me for saying goodbye to my awe-inspiring sister.

My heart has broken. It has broken in a way that can never be healed. Yes, time may soothe the wound, but nothing can seal it.

And as I sink into the depths of my grief, as I surrender my breath to the waves of my agony, I remember her words ‘My heart and soul like yours feels deeper, and sees the truth. We are Dad through and through.’

So I will breathe again. And even though it is tearing me apart, I will keep this broken heat beating, so everyone can know a part of them both through me.

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