I have this unrelenting need to liked.
Formed at a young age and intwined with my personality, I need to be adored.
For years I said yes to things my heart screamed no to. I worked too many jobs, filled my time with toxic friends, because I believed my yes would make me the ‘good guy’, fill me with their love, lift me in their esteem.
I had to teach myself that sometimes you have to let people down, sometimes it’s ok to be the ‘bad guy’. When being the ‘bad guy’ means saying no, in order to say yes to yourself.
Through saying no, through setting boundaries, I learnt the true value of yes.
I began to say yes only to the things that filled me up, aligned with my values, made my heart soar.
I’m not perfect. I know that my path to learning how to say no, has not always been made with grace, I know there are whispers of the word selfish. I know there are still many no’s that need to be made.
But first I will make peace in my heart that sometimes I have been the ‘bad guy’, and no amount of false yes’s will erase that.