with the first bleed after birthing my child, a tidal wave of hormones came.
Transforming a deep rooted fear into the reality, of a drastic chemical imbalance, triggering intrusive thoughts.
A state of mind I was once previously intimately familiar with, one I have not faced in years.
I was once so fearful, of what it would be to mother from a place of pure survival. The dreaded thoughts, of how I could possibly show up for a child, during a time where I struggle to show up for myself.
And yet there I was, in the midst of a clouded mind, racing thoughts, and devastating lows, discovering the monumental love and adoration I have for my child remained.
That mothering does not require fullness, mothering does not need complete balance to survive.
My child does not think I’m less than because on those days I move slower, because on those days, the motto shifts to ‘the only way out is through’.
My child never required a mother always in her thrive, all he’s ever needed is my presence, is my love.
So we moved through it together, him with eyes full of adoration, and me with a clouded mind.
Surrendering to the discomfort of mothering from a place of imbalance,
and with that surrender,
finding stable ground.
You are not less than, because there are days where you do not feel full. You do not deserve less, because there are days you simply aim to survive.
You are worthy, in all your phases. You deserve love and respect, in every cycle of your life.